When God says no: Bittersweet Blessings

MY MIRACLE BABY

Samuel Nissim Port
Born too soon (but just on time)
Birthday December 12, 2006
First Day in Heaven-December 23, 2006

Samuel had such a hard time, right from the start. At 7 weeks there was bleeding, which we believe was the result of a blood clot that formed and pushed against the placenta. It was such a scary time that first bleed. We checked it out at the hospital, were told that nothing could be done. Except WAIT. It seemed that he was still with me (what a fighter), and it was not discovered that there was really something wrong until a few ultrasounds were performed. They kept track of his weight, blood activity...the usuals, and noticed that he was not gaining the weight like he really should be. I was sent to the specialists at the hospital where there better equipment showed a clearer picture. He was not gaining the weight. They discovered the reason why. And I and others prayed deperately that God would increase his weight. He would gain some...but he was losing ground. Sometimes it would seem that he was doing good because he gained a certain amount, but he was really only half of what he should be. They told me he should weigh...this amount in grams (like I know how much that amount in grams is). I saw a specialist who advised me to call all the family in so that we could all talk together concering this little guy. At first we opted to home and wait and see (talk about tense). He said that there was really no hope for survival at 24 weeks, especially at his weight. I was sent to the hospital after the ultrasound to be re-examined because of a 'reverse-flow' of the blood (which is what the dr's were hoping wouldn't happen...they said that once that happened, they only had a limited time to get the baby out). It ended up that it wasn't reverse-flow...but that one of the veins had 'no-flow'...which usually ended up becoming 'reverse-flow'. We prayed that it would turn-around. The next ultrasound that was performed was followed by an emergency c-section because the 'ifs' became reality.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Bittersweet Blessings

It's kinda funny that my baby Avan's 1st birthday should take me on such a rollercoaster of emotions. I cried because I never got to give Samuel a 1st birthday. I just want everything to be perfect for Avan's. It's probably unfair to wish that others could understand. I cried because his "older" brother wouldn't be here. And for many other reasons. And I suppose I'll go on this rollercoaster again when it's Samuel's birthday. I never thought about how Christmastime could be such a bittersweet time for people. I never thought about before how much pain that time must cause others that do not have their loved ones. Or those whose loved ones have their "anniversary" during this happy time. Did I never notice before the sadness beneath the smiles? But yet I have to rejoice because Christmas means that Christ came to us to save us and because of that I will be able to see those loved ones again.

When God says no

MY MIRACLE BABY

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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Bittersweet Blessings

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