My Hearts Decision and Miracle

When you are in the midst of tragedy, you feel like the world is moving on without you, but you are at a standstill. You have no control. And You are asked to make decisions that no person should be asked to do and asked to make them alone while time is running out. You're given statistics. Probable outcomes. The chances. You try and reason rationally...try and think about the matter at hand and future babies' outcomes if you decide to go thru with it. When you're told that you can go ahead with an emergency surgury (that has a certain small % of success) that might leave future pregnancies at risk or go home and wait...which will probably result in the miscarriage of your baby. Even now I don't know how you're suppose to answer those. But in the end, it was my heart that made the decision. I had to ask myself...leaving all statistics, and percentages, and fearful sinereos behind, and as mother to this child that I loved so much, ask "How could I live with myself, if I didn't do all that I could do...if I didn't give him every possible chance?" I prayed that God would give a miracle, but had to prepare myself if that was not God's will for my son.

And although many would say that God didn't do a miracle (as the definition is commonly thought of), I believe that He did. The way that He worked in the surgeons hands so that they could get a breathing tube into his very small body was a miracle. When no one thought that this little life would have a chance, God let him live here for 11 very cherished days. (Days that I hold so close to my heart. Memories that I pray will always be. I would not trade all the pain for never having known my 'oh so little' one.) And although God did not show Himself outwardly and perform an awe inspiring display of the power of God, and what He is capable of doing in the life of this little life...this does not mean that He couldn't. And this does not mean that He didn't. The most miraculous event that could have occured-did. A miracle is something that God only has the power to do...and that is what He did on December 23, 2006. I have the privelege of knowing that my baby boy, my beloved son, will meet me when it is my time to go home. I never longed for heaven more than I do now. God took my little one home, and his soul lives eternally in the care of Jesus. What greater miracle is there than that.