God whats your plan for me? What is your will for ME? "For I know the plans I have for YOU..." Wow...right? when we think about how we are created..how I was created... and God has a will for us..for me. This last month I have to admit that I kind of got in a bit of a down state. I have these desires in my heart...and although they are not bad, I have been having to struggle with the fact that maybe altho not bad, maybe they aren't what God has for me. And so my prayer has been to have God give me strength to overcome these. To pray...and be sincere in my prayer that I would put God's will above what my own personal desires are. And I am not the best at letting God have his way...its scary. I have to admit that I do have trust issues there. But why? Why do I lack the trust in God to have his perfect will for me. I guess because I am scared that He is going to say "no" to me? That I am scared that I will not get what I want...altho lets face it God's will is ultimately better...but nope...I still get scared and kick against it. So its emotional to go thru these times of saying, Okay God! I trust ya!

And ya know what. He never fails. I went thru my week of being sad about what God would ultimately tell me. But that isn't really giving him your will is it...if you go around and sulk about it...so I decided to just be happy about whatever God decided. And He brought these verses to me...

I Corinthians 7:17. 

 "But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk...Is any man called being circumcised? let him not become circumcised. Is any called in uncircumcision? let him not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the commandments of God. Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called...Brethren, let every man , wherein he is called, therein abide with God."

And no I am not no scholar on the Bible...and maybe this is supposed to be for a different context since it is in with all the marriage stuff and church stuff...but I also think that God's Word is not limited and can speak to us at anytime. Here I was thinking about these desires in my heart that are good desires and comparing my life to what others have concerning God's will for their life.... so maybe, altho what I desire is in and of itself something "good",  it isn't what God has planned for me... Its hard, esp when you know that what you desire is not something that is wrong...but if I don't put God's will forefront, it is...no matter how good it is. "But God...its a good thing?" "yes..but its not MY will...for you" 

And so...maybe one day God will say, "okay!"...but until then, and if never that happens, than I have to remind myself...probably over and over again just cause I am like that....that God loves me and has a special purpose just for me! And look at how many blessings upon blessings He has for me...and here I was sulking! :/ Great is thy faithfulness O God to me. 

Have I mentioned before that not a day goes by...that I don't think of him. He is always there. Just as real as the rest of my children...how the thoughts of your children are always present with you even when you are apart. My mind will drift to you...and sometimes I will let my mind stop and think of you more in that moment than the many other times that you come to mind. And sometimes I will smile, and sometimes a tear will fall. But most of the time I cannot stay in that moment long, but even tho they are not long moments, they are many...so many thru the day that I really could not put a number on them.

For some reason this week has had more tears than smiles. I miss you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBHEJtqKjkk

I asked you Lord

You answerd

A little one you gave, 

The hardest part I never knew

Was that little one 

You'd take...

Lord I trust you now

I know that you are good

And Jesus, I was wondering 

If you would...

Hug him once for me

Hold him up real close

Let him sit upon your knee

Tell him all the things 

We'd teach him about You

Whisper in his ear

One more simple truth

Tell him that You love him

And that we love him too. 

Waiting here right now Lord

It seems so hard to do

Longing just to hold him

Like other mothers do

I know that you are faithful

Your hand of grace I've known

But I ask you in the meantime

Until you call me home...

Hug him once for me

Hold him up real close

Let him sit upon your knee

Tell him all the things 

We'd teach him about You

Whisper in his ear

One more simple truth

Tell him that You love him

And that we love him too. 

And when the trumpet sounds Lord, 

Your face I long to see

Now I've one more reason

To wait expectantly

And when I get to heaven 

And see all you have done

I know that I will understand

And to him I will run...

I'll hug him once for me

I'll hold him up real close

He'll sit upon me knee

And tell me all the things

You've taught him about You

He'll whisper in my ear

One more simple truth

He'll tell me that he loves You

And that he loves me too

He'll tell me that he loves You

And Lord I love you too...