When God says no: April 2010

MY MIRACLE BABY

Samuel Nissim Port
Born too soon (but just on time)
Birthday December 12, 2006
First Day in Heaven-December 23, 2006

Samuel had such a hard time, right from the start. At 7 weeks there was bleeding, which we believe was the result of a blood clot that formed and pushed against the placenta. It was such a scary time that first bleed. We checked it out at the hospital, were told that nothing could be done. Except WAIT. It seemed that he was still with me (what a fighter), and it was not discovered that there was really something wrong until a few ultrasounds were performed. They kept track of his weight, blood activity...the usuals, and noticed that he was not gaining the weight like he really should be. I was sent to the specialists at the hospital where there better equipment showed a clearer picture. He was not gaining the weight. They discovered the reason why. And I and others prayed deperately that God would increase his weight. He would gain some...but he was losing ground. Sometimes it would seem that he was doing good because he gained a certain amount, but he was really only half of what he should be. They told me he should weigh...this amount in grams (like I know how much that amount in grams is). I saw a specialist who advised me to call all the family in so that we could all talk together concering this little guy. At first we opted to home and wait and see (talk about tense). He said that there was really no hope for survival at 24 weeks, especially at his weight. I was sent to the hospital after the ultrasound to be re-examined because of a 'reverse-flow' of the blood (which is what the dr's were hoping wouldn't happen...they said that once that happened, they only had a limited time to get the baby out). It ended up that it wasn't reverse-flow...but that one of the veins had 'no-flow'...which usually ended up becoming 'reverse-flow'. We prayed that it would turn-around. The next ultrasound that was performed was followed by an emergency c-section because the 'ifs' became reality.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

The cost of loving

It hurts to love people. You leave your heart in the open vulnerable. When they hurt-you hurt. And when they leave-your heart breaks. So why do we give our heart and love away? Well...God commands it "Love one another". And because a life without love is bitter, hard, and lonely: it does not compare to the life of one who risks their heart for the pain of loving--this kind of pain allows God to hold us in His arms when our heart is breaking. The life of one who loves is joyful even thru sorrow. The tears are wiped away again and again by a father's hand. You can be held when you are not hardened. It is a constant prayer that I will continue to love others and my heart will not harden...that God would keep it sensitive. Our life is short-Let us truly love others even though it costs us a few tears.

When God says no

MY MIRACLE BABY

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Saturday, April 10, 2010

The cost of loving