tears are a good reminder to love.

How do you stop a heart from hurting? Why do past events seemingly overwhelm the present? At times I just can't keep from crying. And I have to remind myself of my blessings--I feel guilty that I am crying with all the blessings that I have, while there are many around me that have had so much more pain in their life. I have two healthy boys laying sound asleep--innocent, without pain or worry. But its okay to be sad sometimes. And after I am done crying, I look at those two little boys that call me momma. But sometimes I worry that I just can't hold unto them enough...so I have to entrust them to you Father. And I beg you that I will be able to hold unto them for a long, long time. Sometimes I look at our family and wonder what it would be like to have him here with us. When I am driving I sometimes catch myself looking at the backseat thinking that there should be another car seat there. What he would have looked like had he not left us so quickly. What kind of big brother he would be to Avan and Oliver. I still miss him. I still cry for him. But tears can be a good thing...they are a reminder to me to show love to my boys every chance I get, and it softens my heart to others sorrows...they slow me down and cause me to focus on the important things of life. And although I will never have a chance here on earth to show my sammy how much I loved him, I do have a chance with Avan and Oliver to be their mommy and to really truly love them.